Dear Google, I’m Sorry.

So late last month I suddenly realized my page views had decreased significantly, and then I realized shortly thereafter that – for some reason – my site was no longer being indexed by Google. When I searched for my URL or page titles via the search engine, there were no results returned.

I was quite distressed, and wondered what had happened. Back in 2004 my old website was attacked by a hacker who uploaded a robots.txt file (I’m convinced it was the work of that dastardly Mr Cutup), so I thought perhaps the same thing had happened, but there was no robots.txt file in my root folder, so I was left scratchin’ my head like Don Knotts in one of his movies where he scratches his head.

Google finally informed me otherwise: apparently someone had hacked my website, but it was some sort of spambot that had implanted a 20,000-some string of hidden words in my index.php file (that explains the long page loads). You ever see those spam blogs that just have random strings of words, e.g. “sex foot mcdonalds subway cheap shopping discounts flight panama canal abraham lincoln jay-z glasgow hip-hop sexy superstar beach time jam”? Well, yeah, that’s the sort of shit that was buried at the bottom of my index page.

I was quite furious. I deleted all the spam text and searched the rest of my site’s main pages (thank god blogs run on single template pages so I only had to view about a dozen of them vs. hundreds). I didn’t find any more, and now I’ve re-submitted my URL to Google for “reconsideration.”

Speaking of which, Google’s whole webmaster service is just a wee bit condescending and nasty. I used their webmaster services to figure out why my site wasn’t being indexed, and from the very start – after being told I was “violating” Google’s policies – I was basically automatically chastised by them and sternly told that my site might be considered for re-evaluation but first I need to explain myself and give examples of the steps I’ve taken to rectify the situation.

Whhaaaat? I feel like O.J. right now. I didn’t do it! Why do you all hate me? It wasn’t me! I’m innocent! Blame the Mexican guy!

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